


The Great Dracula

by Akitchenwenchforever



Category: Dracula & Related Fandoms, Dracula - Bram Stoker, The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: Sorry bram n f scott, Vampires, What am I doing, darius dracula, egg, jonathan harker is a simp, nick carraway bi icon, remind me to update this, um
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akitchenwenchforever/pseuds/Akitchenwenchforever
Summary: SorryJordan baker was my bi awakeningUhhh Draccy and Jon move to west 🥚  and do things and make tarts. The great gatsby. Yeah.I’ll write more chapters for my own amusement later
Kudos: 1





	The Great Dracula

Vampirical Tendencies in East Egg  
By me 

Chapter One: This is the first chapter

Jonathan Harker came down to breakfast one day to the Count sitting at the table with a peculiar expression on his face.   
“O goode Count Dracula! What be that peculiar expression, my good sir?”  
“I think we should move.” Jonny was shocked at this statement.   
“Move? Goode sir, I very much enjoy our Moderately Priced Medieval Castle in a Peaceful Suburban Neighborhood! Why do we need to move?”   
“I have been living here for centuries. I need a change of pace.”   
Jonathan sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee (⅓ coffee ⅔ cream 2 lumps of sugar). A pair of rats squeaked on the table. He needed to get more information about this move.   
“O Count, where would we bee moving towards?”  
“Ah,” said Draccy with the roguish grin of a Byronic hero, “We’re going to America.”  
“America!?” John exclaimed, spilling a bit of his coffee.   
“Yes.”   
“But- that land beeth so far away!” Dracula did not see this to be an obstacle.  
“I do not see this to be an obstacle.”  
“Well, mayhaps you should!” Jonnie screamed.   
Dracc sighed and sipped his hot cup of blood. A bat on his shoulder took a slurp as well. Jonathan did the same with his coffee.   
“Let’s just look at listings.”  
“Ugh, Fyyyynne.” Jonathan said. 

The two roommates sat at the computer, browsing Zillow.com (#notsponsored). The computer showed them a nice cottage in Brașov, which Dracula dismissed with a click. Then the screen showed a 3-bed 1-bath condo in Bucharest. Dracula clicked away.   
“Um, faire roommate, I think there is a way to set thou location settings to America.” Jonathan piped up.   
“Oh.” Dracula said, and with a few typed sentences, they were faced with a map of New York.   
“Where in New York would thou like to move?”   
“Long Island,” Dracula said excitedly, “It looks very fun.” Jonathan took the mouse from him and clicked on the long island.   
“Hmm. This here house be a two-bedroom cottage, fully furnished, for $1300 a month.” Jonathan proposed.   
“No, no! I want a mansion! I need enough space for me, you, my rats, and my bats. Oh, and my cats.”  
“And thou mats?” Jon joked. Dracky looked at him with a look of utter depression.   
“Anyways.” The Count said, and went back to browsing Zillow. Johnny stared at the red wallpaper in silence. There were a few slightly darker spots of red on the wall, but Jon tried not to think about where they were from. You could see the lines between the wallpaper where one sheet began and the other ended. Jonathan followed the lines up to the wood-paneled ceiling. He began tracing the moulding with his eyes, but was interrupted by-  
“Aha!” Dracula screamed excitedly. Jon whipped back around to the computer.   
“It’s perfect!” Drac said, reading from the listing.   
“‘A large, Gilded-Age mansion located right on the bay. This house has original furnishings and decorations dating from 1906. There is a pool, a large verandah, 6 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, and a fully functional fountain. Other features include a carriage house, 5 acres of land, and a tennis court.’ Wow!” Jonathan had to admit, that sounded pretty nice.   
“And we’ll just use it as a summer house,” the Count continued, “Just go once or twice a year.”   
“Alright.”  
“Let me contact the real estate agent. Go pack your stuff.” The two roommates high-fived like they were in a Disney Channel Original Movie circa 2007. 

A few weeks later, Jonathan, his singular suitcase; Dracula, his rats, bats, cats, six trunks, and fanny pack; and a particularly annoyed taxi driver stood in the Bucharest International Airport.   
“Ok, look for Gate 13A.” Dracula said.   
“Can I leave?” The taxi driver asked.  
“Yeah, sure.” Dracula said, taking off his sunglasses and squinting into the distance. Jonathan looked around at the nearly empty airport, yawning.   
“Did we have to taketh an aeroplane at night?” Jonie said.   
“Don’t be a dumbass, Jon, I’m a vampire.” Draco said, walking off to terminal A. Jon sighed, picked up his suitcase, and followed him. The airport was filled with that peculiar time-slowing melancholy airports seem to have, the feeling magnified by the late hour. They arrived at the gate and sat down. The rats did not draw any stares from the three other people at the gate, but once the black tabby cat (named Lilith) started jumping from seat to seat they got some looks. Dracky smiled. Jonathan felt very awkward. The time passed slowly, but also quickly. The attendant called them to board, barely blinking at the animals. The plane was small.   
“Oh, goode lorde.” Jon said, dropping his knapsack in the aisle. He picked it up and sat next to Dracula, who was fiddling with the seat tray. The plane lifted off and the journey continued. Jonathan spent the entire time in a state of perpetual anxiety, reading and rereading the little emergency directions pamphlet. Dracc seemed to be doing fine. He sipped on a glass of cranberry juice the flight attendant had brought him (after a long conversation in which the flight attendant attempted to explain they had no blood on the plane) and listened to the in-flight movie. Jonny had glanced at it, but it looked too violent for his taste. He eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep. 

“LaGuardia Airport is very fun!!” Count Dracula said, skipping around the baggage claim area.   
“Nay, Dracula, it beith Stressful!” John whined. He was being clawed by a rat. It was rather uncomfortable.   
“Here, I’ll take Remy.” Dracky said, salvaging the rat from Jonathan’s hair.   
“Many thanks.”   
Dracula’s red trunk appeared in the baggage claim. It was almost morning, and the airport was starting to fill up again. The native new yorkers, who no one opens the door for, did not look at them. Some tourists did.   
“Come on, Johnny, let’s hail a cab.” The roommates walked out to where the cabs were. Suddenly, it was 1920something. (shut up ok I gotta get it to great gatsby timeline ok it’s fine) Jonathan and Dracula didn’t notice or care. (it’s always been 1920 hahahah) There were a few cabs loitering at the entrance. Drac confidently walked up to a yellow cab.   
“Hello.”   
“Needa ride?” the cab driver asked. She had a cigar in her mouth, a red scarf, and curly brown hair.   
“Yeah. We gotta get to- (dramatically) WEST EGG.” Dracula said. Jonathan could have sworn a music sting played in the background.   
“Hop in, kiddos.” They did. The drive was exciting, but trafficky. The atmosphere was jazzy! It was fun! The cats and rats and bats were pacified, and the city was waking up. Dracula put his sunglasses on. The taxi driver’s scarf fluttered in the breeze. Jonathan was having a good time. Sadly, the ride ended when they arrived at the glamorous mansion. It was very big. Jonathan clambered out of the car, awestruck.   
“Ya gonna get any maids? Because I got a sister who needs a job-” the cabbie asked.   
“No, thank you, ma’am. How much?” Dracula said, looking for his wallet.   
“3 dollars.” The driver said. Dracula handed her five Romanian leu. She blinked.   
“Keep the change.” The driver unloaded their bags. Dracc stared up at the house. It was, in a word, big. Palatial, even. Very large house.   
“Come on, then.” Dracula said, and headed in. Jonathan sighed and followed him, glancing back at the retreating cab. The entry room of the house was big and large. (sorry) There was a great deal of gold leaf and moulding everywhere. Jonathan thought it was very fussy. Castle Dracula was tastefully decorated, albeit rundown. This was a bit too much.   
“Ahh, feels like home already!” Drac said. A few rats (Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos) skittered around the floor.   
“Alrighte then.” Jonni replied, hopping to avoid a bat. Dracula pulled out a comically oversized map of the house.  
“So the bedrooms are up here,” He said, pointing to an area on the map, “And the bathrooms, and the kitchens, etcetera.”   
“Alrighte.” Jonathan said, heading towards the stairs.   
“I CALL THE MASTER!” Dracc yelled after him. Then they laughed. Oh, how they laughed.

The roommates settled into their new house quickly. It was very big. The kitchen was big. The living rooms were large. The bedrooms were astronomical. There was a nice garden, though. Dracula wanted to let it ‘run a little wild’ to achieve the scraggly look of Castle Dracula, but Jonny disagreed. There was also a rocky beach, which Dracc took advantage of at night. Jonathan hated swimming. They hadn’t met any of their neighbors yet, which was not very strange, as they were all rich and snobby. But one day, Jonathan was making a fancy tart thing. Dracula lounged roguishly on a couch. Then there was a knock on the door.   
“Ah!” yelped Jonathan, dropping a whisk.   
“I’ll get it.” Dracula said, standing up from the couch. Jonny followed because he was lonely. They ran across the marble floor, shoes clacking. Dracula did a snappy little dance and threw open the door.   
“HELLOOOOO!” He yelled. The mild-mannered man at the door flinched.   
“Hello.” The man said. (guys guys guys it’s nick hjshkjh here comes nick omg guys) He was wearing a nice off-white suit, a hat, and shoes.   
“What can I do for you?” Dracy said, leaning against the doorframe.   
“I’m just coming over to introduce myself. I live over there.” The man said, gesturing over there. Jonathan stepped out from behind the door.   
“Oh, I didn’t know there were two people living here.” The man stated.   
“Jonathan Harker.” Jonny said, sticking out his hand. He was still holding the whisk, and quickly switched it from his right to his left.   
“Nick Carraway.” The man (Nick ajsfkasjdfh) shook it.   
“Count Darius Dracula.” Dracula said. Nick looked at him confusedly, as did Jonathan. Drac had never mentioned having a first name, let alone the name being Darius. The men shook hands.   
“Dost thou liketh to enter?” Jon said, remembering his good English manners.   
“If it’s no trouble to you.” Nick said, with similarly good American manners.   
“Ah, ‘tis perfectly alright” Jon said.  
“Oh, well thank you.” Nick replied.   
“Yea, of course.” They probably could have kept the exchange of politeness up for a while had Dracula not interrupted.   
“Oh, shove it. Come inside.” The three men walked inside. Nick did not seem to be affected by the grandeur of the house. The egg timer rang from the kitchen.   
“Oh dear,” said Jonnie, “my tart.” He rushed off to the kitchen and continued whisking the batter furiously.   
“What kind of tart is it?” Nick inquired.   
“If only I knew.” Dracula said, because he did not know. (victor hugo-style tart rant coming up) Jonathan favoured fruit tarts. They were simplistic, easy to make, and a classic crowd-pleaser. Draccy liked key lime pie, and others of that nature. Boston cream, banana cream (creme?), cheesecake even. He hated cooked fruit. Key lime pie is the best pie. The combination of crunchy graham-cracker crust (store bought or homemade), the stream of citrusy lime running through the smooth filling, the decorations of lime zest on the top, everything was amazing. Ugh, a good key lime pie is like finally winning over that cat who you see on your morning commute. A great feeling. Fruit tarts, while sometimes good, are more like being ignored by the cat. A let-down.   
“Shall we go see?” Dracula said, snapping out of his tart thoughts. Nick agreed, and they headed towards the large kitchen. Jonathan was washing a cup of raspberries under the tap.   
“So, what do you do?” Nickolas asked Drac, who sat down at the table.   
“Hehe,” Dracula chortled, “oh, hehe. hehehehHEHEHEHEHEHHE!” Dracula cackled on like the Witch in a community theater production of Into the Woods. Nickie looked uncomfortably around and made eye contact with Jonathan, who was also looking uncomfortably around.   
“He does this sometimes.” Jonnie mouthed. Nick nodded, familiar to the Eccentric Flamboyant Billionaire literature trope. Jon put the raspberries in a pot on the stove.   
“My friend wants to invite you to a party.” Nicholas said.   
“A pArty! Haha!” Dracula said, “We accept!”  
“Dost we?” Jonathan muttered, as he was very socially awkward. The idea of commiserating with a gaggle of drunken Egg residents did not seem very fun.   
“It’s tonight.” Nick continued.   
“Well, all the more reason! We’ll meet some new neighbors. It’ll be fun, Jonathan.”   
“Welle then.” Jonathan agreed.   
“See you tonight, then.” Nik said. The roommates nodded at him. So they would.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sina for the idea   
> Hehehe follow me on Tumblr - akitchenwenchforever   
> Planning on adding more chapters w/ Mina and Jordan. Daisy will not be in this one because ew. Is carmilla/Jordan a good ship??   
> I have transcended ironic fanfiction and now I just am writing Dracula/gatsby stuff? Is this my life?   
> My dad thought this was funny  
> I’m gonna have a great gatsby copyright expiring party on December 31. New Years party is for losers   
> 🙄😴👹👿👿👿


End file.
